I hate trampolines

by

When I was at school, I opted for trampolining in PE because it meant getting to jump around aimlessly with your friends while watching Sophie West’s boobs bounce up and down quite vigorously, rather than having the boys from the year above slide tackle me in the rain. Anyway, I digress, the trampolines we had were huge things that folded up like sandwiches and had to be wheeled out by us like we were armies of ants carrying a twig, and then opened out. This opening out bit is where my problem with trampolines first arose.
You see, initially, the elastic stress of the huge rusty springs and the taut mesh made it pretty hard to open them out, but eventually they would reach a point at which the springs started to act in the opener’s favour. Then you quickly had to switch from pulling the two halves downwards to suddenly trying to hold them up as the big metal legs swung down to hold the extremities of the trampoline up. One day, the big metal leg landed on my foot and completely crushed my toe. The nail came straight off and I still have a very vivid image of my pristine white sock with blood seeping through it. I had to take my sock off but the broken nail was hooted to the fibres, making the experience even more unpleasant.

As time passed, I grew a new nail – however, the new nail was deformed. Thick and pointy like a raptor’s claw. I have had it for nine years now and it still upsets me. I forget about it most of the time, but if I think about it for any reason I can feel it touching on things. This is particularly bad when I am in bed and I feel the duvet resting on my claw. As soon as I feel it, I get squirmy and have to stick my foot out of the bed so it hangs suspended in the air and I can’t feel it rubbing anymore. This is why I hate trampolines and no flashbacks of Sophie West’s flying tits will ever change my feelings.

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27 Responses to “I hate trampolines”

  1. tuat Says:

    So where’s the courier post gone? I would hate to think that you chickened out…

  2. brittany Says:

    u suck bad

  3. sam Says:

    dont agree with u i love trampolines they r sooooooo fun to play with and they make people mor fit!!!!

  4. Anonymous Says:

    wat the fock r u chattin

  5. Anonymous Says:

    u suck by the way go on fantage it is a cool website

  6. Anonymous Says:

    « I hate perfumed toilet paperI hate the little sign language people who pop up on TV »I hate trampolines
    By Guest Hater

    When I was at school, I opted for trampolining in PE because it meant getting to jump around aimlessly with your friends while watching Sophie West’s boobs bounce up and down quite vigorously, rather than having the boys from the year above slide tackle me in the rain. Anyway, I digress, the trampolines we had were huge things that folded up like sandwiches and had to be wheeled out by us like we were armies of ants carrying a twig, and then opened out. This opening out bit is where my problem with trampolines first arose.
    You see, initially, the elastic stress of the huge rusty springs and the taut mesh made it pretty hard to open them out, but eventually they would reach a point at which the springs started to act in the opener’s favour. Then you quickly had to switch from pulling the two halves downwards to suddenly trying to hold them up as the big metal legs swung down to hold the extremities of the trampoline up. One day, the big metal leg landed on my foot and completely crushed my toe. The nail came straight off and I still have a very vivid image of my pristine white sock with blood seeping through it. I had to take my sock off but the broken nail was hooted to the fibres, making the experience even more unpleasant.

    As time passed, I grew a new nail – however, the new nail was deformed. Thick and pointy like a raptor’s claw. I have had it for nine years now and it still upsets me. I forget about it most of the time, but if I think about it for any reason I can feel it touching on things. This is particularly bad when I am in bed and I feel the duvet resting on my claw. As soon as I feel it, I get squirmy and have to stick my foot out of the bed so it hangs suspended in the air and I can’t feel it rubbing anymore. This is why I hate trampolines and no flashbacks of Sophie West’s flying tits will ever change my feelings.

    BRUNO BAYLEY

    This entry was posted on April 14, 2008 at 12:20 pm and is filed under School. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

    5 Responses to “I hate trampolines”
    tuat Says:

    April 28, 2008 at 6:13 pm | Reply
    So where’s the courier post gone? I would hate to think that you chickened out…

    brittany Says:

    March 12, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Reply
    u suck bad

    sam Says:

    September 5, 2009 at 12:04 pm | Reply
    dont agree with u i love trampolines they r sooooooo fun to play with and they make people mor fit!!!!

    Anonymous Says:

    September 5, 2009 at 12:04 pm | Reply
    wat the fock r u chattin

    Anonymous Says:

    September 5, 2009 at 12:05 pm | Reply
    u suck by the way go on fantage it is a cool website

  7. Anonymous Says:

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  8. George Says:

    Poor guy, I have the trampoline like you that I bough from some sencond hand online shop, but I did not jump on it, instead I bough new springs and new pads from lifespantrampolines.com.au and replaced rust ones. It still works fine now. You should check them before using. It is very important, we should learn from you injury.

  9. Alyssa Says:

    That was the best story and very descriptive…..I laughed my ass off!!! Thanks!!

  10. Green Trampoline Plea Says:

    A little off the subject perhaps, but a request for you to consider the ethics of buying cheap trampolines. Please try and think about, for example, the materials your item is made with, the human rights of the factories where they’re made and the green credentials of the retailer. Oh, and endeavour to recycle your trampoline instead of discarding. Thanks!!!!

  11. discontinued perfumes Says:

    what?! I love jumping on those things who doesn’t want to have tons of fun?

  12. Adidas F50 Says:

    It still works fine now. You should check them before using. It is very important, we should learn from you injury.

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  16. trampoline Says:

    Well ofcourse you have to use a safety net for the trampoline or you might get hurt and don’t like that much afterwards.

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