One night last week I was attempting to watch an inane film that seemed to mostly involve Kurt Russell violently rutting Courtney Cox (don’t worry, there was no Johnson’s Baby Oil involved, it was just a very slow night elsewhere on terrestrial TV) when a bulbous man in a pink shirt popped up at the bottom of the screen and started flailing his arms about and making sign language gestures. The guy was fucking massive. He wasn’t even keeping over to the corner either – he was right over towards the middle of the screen waving his arms up and down, and generally getting in the way.
I’ve got nothing against deaf people, but is there any need for this guy to be there? Shouldn’t there be a button to get rid of him? Also, what’s wrong with subtitles? The thing is, I am really easily distracted, so I just spent the whole time transfixed by this animated man in the fluorescent shirt and couldn’t pay attention to the film. I can’t overstate how unnecessarily large he was either. The people benefiting from the addition of this guy are deaf, not fucking blind!
Recently, it seems impossible to switch on the TV after midnight and find a programme worth watching without an annoying person bouncing around in the corner of the screen. I don’t see why deaf people get special treatment on late night TV anyway. What about the insomniacs? Surely they should get priority. Why don’t little fluffy bouncing cartoon sheep appear at the bottom of our screens after midnight? Or why don’t the signers dress up as sheep and do slow, hypnotic dance routines while waving their arms about? Then everyone would be happy.