Archive for the ‘Weird’ Category

I hate men scratching their bits in public

July 29, 2008

As a rule, boys in this country aren’t very well trained in manners and etiquette. That’s a given. I accept that.

But what I have a problem with is grown men who see nothing wrong with scratching their balls or putting their hands down their trousers to “sort things out” and have a good old rummage while they’re sat right in front of me having a chat.

I hate urban handshakes

June 10, 2008

God, can normal people stop doing these? If I had a penny for every time I tried to shake someone’s hand and they then manoeuvred this gesture into a weird clenched palm, elbow in the air urban greeting, I’d have about 85p right now. Listen, you’re not a “gang banger” in the Bronx. We’re English. We shake hands. Accept it. If you can’t accept it, then please don’t try and inflict your weird hand touching fetishes on other people. Shaking hands may be seen as not macho enough, but wrapping your whole hand around another man’s hand and then pulling him towards your chest is probably bordering on sexual assault in some countries.


I hate people who blog about themselves and their boring lives

May 6, 2008

I find blogs where people solely talk about themselves and what they get up to every day weird, deluded and a bit mental. I guess people see these blogs as a sort of digital diary but isn’t the whole point of a diary that it’s for your eyes only? The appeal is in the secrecy, surely? Having a diary for the world to see must defeat the object, unless the whole thing is a desperate cry for help (which often appears to be the case).

I hate perfumed toilet paper

April 9, 2008

PerfumedIf my flatmate buys another roll of perfumed toilet paper I swear I’m going to stuff her mouth with it until she chokes. I’m allergic to perfume so every time I wipe I get nervous, like my bum is about to break out into a rash or something. Anal itching aside, what’s the point of it? Who is sniffing her ass so much that she needs to disguise its odour with chemical flowers?

I hate the Animals in War Memorial

March 10, 2008

Animals in War Memorial

This is a monument on Park Lane to animals killed in war. I have nothing against animals but I can’t help but be irked by this. Can you even imagine how much money it cost to construct this vapid pile of filth?

I hate Avril Lavigne

February 20, 2008

Avril Lavigne

I hate Avril Lavigne for the following reasons: she makes music that sounds like a sewer rat being strangled by an alley cat behind a Blink 182 gig, she has one of the world’s most punchable faces, she has pink streaks in her hair (which could never look good on anyone, nevermind her), she wears ties with T-shirts and she replaces letters with numbers (“Sk8er Boi”).

So, there we have it. These are enough reasons for me and anyone with an ounce of sense to hate her. Yes? Case closed. Not so quickly…


I hate people who talk, eat or breathe loudly

February 6, 2008


I hate people who need to do things very loudly. London specifically seems to be full of them and I hate all of them. The major problem seems to be people who talk on the phone loudly and for hours. Why would you have a really personal phone call about your boyfriend’s shortcomings in the bedroom on the number 8 bus at 6 PM on a Wednesday? Then, there are people who feel the need to talk loudly wherever they are because they simply like the sound of their own voice. I find it embarrassing if I’m ever with someone like this in public. Just shut up. Nobody else needs to know what you think, do or say.


I hate my flatmate

February 4, 2008


Imagine all the people that you find annoying (if you’re like me that is probably a lot of people and a lot of annoyance). I bet if you were to combine every little thing that annoys you about everyone you know or have ever met into a dense mass of hate, it would still annoy me less than my flatmate. To begin to prove this point I shall list below a mere handful of the reasons that make him the most annoying person I have ever known: