Archive for the ‘TV’ Category

I hate the little sign language people who pop up on TV

May 2, 2008

One night last week I was attempting to watch an inane film that seemed to mostly involve Kurt Russell violently rutting Courtney Cox (don’t worry, there was no Johnson’s Baby Oil involved, it was just a very slow night elsewhere on terrestrial TV) when a bulbous man in a pink shirt popped up at the bottom of the screen and started flailing his arms about and making sign language gestures. The guy was fucking massive. He wasn’t even keeping over to the corner either – he was right over towards the middle of the screen waving his arms up and down, and generally getting in the way.



I hate the “And finally” section of the News

March 19, 2008

Trevor MacDonald

Switch on the news any day of the week and you’ll see the the same thing:

33% will be terrible events that 99.999% of us are powerless to stop.
25% will be pointless bullshit such as the McCartney divorce or the Diana investigation.
19% will be disproportionally-hyped personal interest stories, such as a kidnap or a murder.
12% will be sport.
7% will be weather.

And the remaining 4% will be a gently amusing tale to round the show off and prevent the viewer from feeling too traumatised.


I hate My Super Sweet 16

March 11, 2008

When I first came across this programme I was dumbstruck. It’s a bunch of cackling, screeching, dribbling, mentally vacant rat children with Sun-In-treated hair making horrifically extravagant demands and treating their parents, their “workers” and most other people they come across like a big bag of festering dog poo. I know the show is edited to make the kids look as bad as possible, but I still feel genuine hatred towards every single one of them.

I hate YouTube on TV

February 16, 2008

The whole point of YouTube is that it’s on the internet. You get to decide when you watch it and how you watch it. So why all of a sudden are there loads of programmes on TV that revolve around showing clips from the internet? The worst is LennyHenry.TV on BBC1. It’s bad enough having someone unnecessarily talk you through something, which is more than entertaining enough by itself, but that smug little prick? He talks as if he is lecturing a class of special needs toddlers. He just cackles like a mentally unhinged hyena throughout every clip – even the bits that aren’t supposed to be humorous. Forced laughter is not funny. Lenny Henry, you are not funny. Also, his voice is akin to someone letting the air out of a balloon in sporadic, spasmodic bursts. Even worse, he brings on guests each week (usually confused old men) who somehow have less of a clue about what they are doing than he does, to show the world their favourite clips. Most times it looks like they have never seen the video before while they attempt to talk through it. I remember one guy gave up on the clips, stood up and tried about 40 attempts at throwing a pen in the air and catching it behind his ear. Needless to say I haven’t watched the show since.


I hate Mitchell and Webb (when they’re not on Peep Show)

February 10, 2008

Mitchell and Webb

Why is it that Mitchell and Webb are so heartbreakingly unfunny in anything other than Peep Show? I can’t even squeeze out a teeny tiny chuckle or crack even a mini half smile if I watch anything else they do on TV. As much as I want to like their other stuff, I just can’t bring myself to. What makes it worse is that I’m what you might call a massive Peep Show fan. I simply cannot get enough of it. I really do love it. I mean, what’s not to love? Nerdy, awkward, bumbling, saucer-eyed Mark with his strange endearing uptight ways and Jez with his try hard, cringy desperation and shallow naïve arrogance. They are a match made in TV heaven. They have the best on screen chemistry since Wayne and Garth. Or maybe Cagney and Lacey. Or maybe The Likely lads. Yeah that’s more like it – Mark and Jeremy are the modern day Likely Lads. Peep Show is definitely the best thing on TV. (Admittedly the last series got a little ridiculous with the dead dog but let’s not dwell on that.)