Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

I hate going to see my friends’ bands

May 5, 2008

There’s little worse than being emotionally blackmailed into going to see your friends play a gig. It’s bad enough watching a dreadful, sleep-inducing band. But when your friends are the members of this soporific group, unlike at any other gig, you can’t leave early for fear of offending anyone. So, for the entire night you will then have to stand with a constant forced gleeful grin on your face to give the impression you are having fun. If everyone else is dancing you may even have to sway from side to side so as not to look too conspicuous. I pride myself on my honesty but is there anything you can do when the band come at the end to ask you what you thought apart from smile falsely, nod a lot and tell them it was “really good”?
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I hate Avril Lavigne

February 20, 2008

Avril Lavigne

I hate Avril Lavigne for the following reasons: she makes music that sounds like a sewer rat being strangled by an alley cat behind a Blink 182 gig, she has one of the world’s most punchable faces, she has pink streaks in her hair (which could never look good on anyone, nevermind her), she wears ties with T-shirts and she replaces letters with numbers (“Sk8er Boi”).

So, there we have it. These are enough reasons for me and anyone with an ounce of sense to hate her. Yes? Case closed. Not so quickly…

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I hate Santogold

February 13, 2008

Santogold and MIA
Santogold and M.I.A.

I don’t get why people like Santogold. She is a shit version of M.I.A. (who is annoying anyway). She even got the same guy who produced M.I.A.’s last album to work with her. It’s as though she wanted to make it blatantly obvious what a total, utter, unashamed rip-off she is. Yet you still get reasonably sensible people who proclaim how “amazing” she is. What is wrong with them? Santogold is to M.I.A. what Jodie Marsh is to Jordan – an uglier, more man-like, more full of bullshit, more desperate, cardboard cut-out bargain bin version of someone who is already pretty dreadful. On the plus side, erm, she might have an okay shot at the next series of Global Ghetto Funk Stars in Their Eyes.

I hate self-appointed CEOs

February 5, 2008

P DiddyOver the last decade the title of CEO has turned from an undeniably esteemed position of substantial power – someone in charge of total management of a company – into a cheesy hip-hop cliché. Somehow it has become synonymous with shitty record labels and “empires” that consist of about three people, each somehow more clueless than the other. Now whenever I see the term CEO all I can picture is the smug, chubby little face of P Diddy (or P Diddly as he will forever be known to me).

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I hate my flatmate

February 4, 2008

Y-fronts

Imagine all the people that you find annoying (if you’re like me that is probably a lot of people and a lot of annoyance). I bet if you were to combine every little thing that annoys you about everyone you know or have ever met into a dense mass of hate, it would still annoy me less than my flatmate. To begin to prove this point I shall list below a mere handful of the reasons that make him the most annoying person I have ever known:

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