Meetings are a massive waste of time. They are basically an excuse for people to go to work late, leave work early, look busy, steal other people’s ideas, get other people to do their work for them, show off or maybe amuse themselves with the aid of a really nifty Powerpoint presentation.
Throughout your life, and more so as you get older, people will try and have meetings with you. These meetings may be about trivial stuff such as what sort of piñata should feature at the Mexican fancy dress party you’re helping to organise or it may be about more important things like the possibility of an amazing new job working two days a week earning bucketloads of cash.
A meeting could be for any number of reasons, but one thing is almost certain: it will be a pointless affair filled with someone talking absolute bollocks from start to finish. From my own experience, one meeting out of every five thousand is of any use to anyone on this or any other planet. The rest are basically a massive waste of your time and that is time you can never get back. I know a few people who have started to refuse almost all meetings. And for good reason. Who wants to traipse across town and get some old codger’s armpit in your face on the number 55 bus? It means you are the one clambering up eight flights of stairs and flicking through a shitty 2-year-old copy of Newsweek magazine as you wait 25 minutes for your meeting partner to be free.
After all this, you sit down, engage in the usual dull small talk, listen to someone ramble on and then very quickly realise that they either want you to help them out a lot with something that is of no personal gain to you (financial or otherwise) or that they in fact had absolutely no reason for meeting you in the first place and you just sit there the whole time thinking: I have literally no idea why I’m here. What do you want from me? I try and keep myself away from meetings as much as possible. They are draining, depressing and quite frankly it’s time that could be better spent on eBbay, iChat or drinking tea.
People in meetings take themselves really seriously, no matter what they are talking about, which I find weird too. The worst example of this I can remember is when I had a meeting with a man who told me he wanted to show me this amazing new fashion magazine that was going to completely turn the world of fashion on its head. He turned up with a massive block of wood and took me through each line and curve of the wood saying that each bit of wood was a different page or section of the magazine. If this was a joke it would have been, erm, well probably a bit weird actually and not all that funny. But he was totally serious and went on for more than an hour about how incredible this magazine was and I should make sure I “didn’t miss the groovy boat” and should get involved ASAP. I quickly made my excuses and left before going back to the office and cancelling all other meetings I had planned for that week.