I hate Agyness Deyn

by

Agness DeynI just really, really, really can’t stand her stupid face any longer. Every time I see it – which these days is at least 5,000 times a day – it makes me want to move to a remote island where fashion, neon and peroxide don’t and never will exist. Also, it is me or does her name make you think of a rare breed of cow that might be found in the Outer Hebrides, or maybe a demented, heavily wrinkled incidental member of the Royal Family?

The aggravation started about six or so months ago when someone somewhere said she was “the new Kate Moss”. Whatever that means. Unless I have the eye sight of Stevie Wonder after being sprayed with an entire firetruck filled with CS gas, then there are exactly zero factors that suggest Agyness Deyn is the new Kate Moss.

Let’s be real. She looks like a confused Flashdance extra. As models go, she’s totally fine if you like that whole 80s neon, Annie Lennox haircut, shoulder pads, Thompson Twins vibe. But really, come on, she’s no Kate Moss. As annoying and repulsive as I find Kate Moss these days (when I see a photo of her it makes me think of an alley cat on heroin who’s been swimming in a sewer filled with stale wine for nine weeks) her whole appeal is her versatility. She can go from daisy chain-making hippy sweetheart, to grunge whore to high society darling effortlessly. I doubt Agyness Deyn could even change her skirt without gazing at her own reflection then falling over face first. She is a bigger narcissist than Dale Winton multiplied by David Beckham to the power of Jodie Marsh. I think she might actually be addicted to cameras. I bet if you followed her around with one of those Tesco Value disposable cameras she’d be after you like an Alsation after a newly opened can of Spam. She just can’t help it. She’d probably even show up to a tooth whitening just so she could then see her reflection in the newly gleaming teeth. Again, I wouldn’t mind so much if she was as stunning as she thought she was.

If I were pedantic enough to dissect the picture above (which I am) I would say this:

1. The jacket appears to be borrowed either from Pat Butcher or Don Johnson circa 1985. It neither fits nor is nice.

2. Nobody looks cool when they wear sunglasses inside. This is a myth that I think a Radio 1 DJ (maybe Gary Davies or Bruno Brookes) from the 80s once said on air and everyone believed him. You look even worse when you wear children’s glasses which are slightly too small for your face.

3. Annie Lennox was a really great singer. That much is true. But a looker she was not. I rarely remember peroxide spikes on a woman being an enviable look on anyone unless you were Yazz.

Get back to the Outer Hebrides to join your cow family at haste.

55 Responses to “I hate Agyness Deyn”

  1. emma Says:

    she is amazing, shes acheived everything she wants in life and isnt boring or violent like them other models she doesnt take drugs and shes not a stupid size 0 model and she always has a smile on her face

  2. blah Says:

    your right, she is a cockhead. and emma, she might as well kill herself now if she has achieved everything she wants in life, also whats wrong with being violent taking drugs and being skinny? if that stupid bint loves smiling so much she should be forcefed mudmer till she cant smile anymore and her face melts off into a puddle of neon coloured puke, which i imagine would fit in quite well with the general 80s ironica that she seems to wrap herself in. cunt!

  3. the barber Says:

    i want her

  4. Jey Says:

    I had the pleasure of meeting Agnes several times and I have to say youre wrong. She is a great girl and I am really happy she’s doing well. I had a hilarious time doing a photo shoot with her in Bricklane one evening. We had this great shot where for some reason she was pulling down my trowsers while i was pulling on a dog lead that was around her neck😛. Agnes If you happen to read this, feel free to shoot me an email jeyhicks@gmail.com I would love to have a chat.

    Jey

  5. blah Says:

    jey, the very fact that you were in bricklane means that your probably a little hipster gob shite who hasnt done a days work in their life, probably too busy playing with dog leads in the “rough” yet “authentic” east end, where daddy has bought a “real” warehouse space for you to make some sort of contraversial art in. and by the way, agnes isnt going to drop you a line because shes probably to busy cutting up the next one on a cistern in some trendy new bar.

  6. puffy4president Says:

    Now I tell you who is a prize prick….Deyn’s best friend Henry Holland. Quel piece?

    If he wasn’t a nonce, they could marry and be the Posh & Becks of Cunts

  7. bassnation Says:

    yep, pretty much otm. even the obligatory ‘agynesss has gone into rehab’ stories feel faked, like shes doing (or not, as the case may be) what she thinks she should be doing, to be a model, to be the next kate moss. shes a mediated meta model, in fact i’m not sure she even exists. shes like that virtual pop star in deux ex, designed by committee. i’m glad i’m not the only one who is befuddled by her prominence.

  8. Rich Says:

    Jey, if you’re such good mates with her how come you can’t spell her name?

  9. rantersparadise Says:

    I agree. She’s so frigging overrated. Desperate cultural times…sigh..

  10. Chloe Says:

    Agness Deyn ( Laura Hollins) Is simply amazing, stunning, genuine, and likeable.
    To be honest, Jealousy Is an illness (:
    Blatantly your attempting to be different, and ‘hating’ what everyone else loves, just too show how unique and interesting you are.
    No.
    No one really cares what you hate, most of the peopleon here hate you ,, Bye x

  11. Lighten Up Says:

    Stop being so harsh please. Have some Dasani and be happy!

  12. suz-an-nhh Says:

    haha your stuppiid forsurree
    i cant believe you would sayy such horrible
    thinggss you just envvy the fact that shes so
    amazinglyy beautifull && you must be fuckingg
    retarrded up your vajj. becos’ agness deyn is
    verry much of a unique namee. and borrwoing
    clothes is okayy you dumm cum-filled ppussyyy
    get a life quitt picking usless unnotticible flawss she
    has they are adorablyy cuttee. && show yor selff
    letss see how much shitt shell [agness]&& i willl copp
    on you. you fuckinngg low liffe fuckk faccee oh
    btw! shes not even insidee you asswipee havnt you
    watched tv or been to an actuall showw those walk
    wayys are outsidee oh wait you havnt cos’ all you do is talk shitt

    grow upp seriouslly

  13. bimbo Says:

    JELOUS MUCH? shees doing what she wants to do with her life, get over it. shees a style icon like it or not!

  14. John Says:

    Stupid and incapable of spelling much?

  15. vivien Says:

    I hate Agyness Deyn. So so much. Her name is Laura Hollins for heavens sake.
    She’s only a model because of her hair. And to the person who said she doesn’t do drugs:
    Aren’t you naive! Practically all models (especially the British ones) take drugs, at least the ones who I know do.

  16. rm Says:

    I’m pretty sure that Posh and Becks are already the Posh and Becks of cunts.

  17. conroy Says:

    Her real name is Laura, yet she looks like a boy i knew in school called Adam. So maybe that is Adam prancing around in those Burbery adverts desperately trying to be the new cool british supermodel who is slightly affiliated to rock music. Adam, you disturb me, i hope i don’t have some wierd sex dream about you.

  18. Danni Says:

    If you want a real model with style and originality then look no further than Audrey Kitching, shes so much better than clotheshorse Laura

    http://www.twiggfan.net/visual

    =]

  19. kels Says:

    OH MY GOD someone is being a bit dramatic!whats wrong with you people she is amazing!

  20. george Says:

    more talent is wasted when i spunk onto a paper towelette

  21. george Says:

    also her fans all seem to be female, ask any man what they think of her… i have seem more attractive net curtains

  22. . Says:

    ffs!
    you people are so judgemental!
    shes a human being! just get over yourselves.
    If you knew ANYTHING about fashion/modelling AT ALL then you’d know that modelling isn’t pretty-its about the extreme. And judging by the content of this pathetic article people obviously think extreme thoughts of agness.
    she has her own style, shes a normal figure, she wears what she wants and if you actually meet her you will see that she is a really lovely person.
    the fashion world loves her and lets face it, they are the experts, not a bunch of jealous kids commenting on some losers article.
    seriously.
    get a life.

    • Person Says:

      hahahahah i considered whether to reply to this or not but man, you need to chill and get a life.🙂 although you lack of one is entertaining😀
      i like agyness deyn but i thought this BLOG POST (not an ARTICLE :)) was funny. little did i expect that the sanctimonious little responses DEFENDING agyness deyn would be even funnier. THANKS MAN!!!!!!!!
      hahhahahah p.s. dont take yourself so seriously🙂

  23. Anonymous Says:

    I agree with everything the article says. Though I don’t hate the girl- as I don’t know her.

    Agyness Deyn is NOT the new Kate Moss, Moss is more versatile and beautiful than Deyn will ever be. Though all Deyn’s little neon fans won’t stop repeating ‘KATE MOSS TOOK DRUGS, THAT MEANS THE AGGY IS WAAAY BETTER THAN HER’. For the record- Moss is capable of making her own decisions and at the end of the day, she was the only model that got caught.

    And for the person that said Deyn wasn’t skinny or a size zero- then they are one of this Neon-80s-reject army I was talking about.

    People claim that they ‘LOVE’ Agy D because she’s original! She has personality! For gods sake, does wearing mismatched colours and having a brutal haircut mean you have any more personality that the classic beauties on the catwalk. If anything, it gives her less. Deyn can only do one look. the ‘OH LOOK AT ME! I’M WEARING CHILDRENS SUNGLASSES AND MY NAN’S JUMPER FROM THE 70S! AREN’T I JUST TOTALLY BREAKING THE MOULD!!!’- look.

    Tyra Banks, Lily Cole, Kate Moss, Heidi Klum, Linda Evangelista- no matter how much people rave over Agyness Deyn, she will NEVER be in the same league as those models.

    Oh. And she can’t sing. NME gave it 2/10. Go figure.

  24. billybob Says:

    Please read this intriguing article on Agyness

    http://www.wouldyouhitit.co.uk/2008/08/agyness-deyn-would-you-hit-it.html

    thanks

  25. jone Says:

    gees,you are quite angry with agness….shame,i must suck to be you ratting on her like you know her?!what a sad litlle page you have got going here.makes me wonder what you do with the rest of your time, when your not bitching about people that happen to be more succsesfull than you…?i rate you should post a pic of yourself on this page so we can all blabber on about how crap we think your hair is and how shit your style is…..

    • Anonymous Says:

      And yet you’re posting on this sad little page.

      • Person Says:

        the blog post is supposed to be funny. i could give a rat’s ass about agyness (i dont like her or hate her,. in fact i didn’t KNOW her before i read this ) but because FUNNY doesn’t take itself seriously, it automatically wins. whereas you’re getting rather disturbingly worked up…;)

  26. HAHA Says:

    This was the funniest damn thing ever. Finally someone has the balls to say how much she fucking sucks!
    SHE IS NOT SPECIAL AT ALL!!! She is fucking boring, really she is.
    There is nothing remotely special about her, she needs to get over herself. Thank you for this wonderful blog.

  27. Anonymous Says:

    She’s a cunt ansd so are all of her dreary mates

  28. houseof style Says:

    shes probably saying the same about you…and if you all have so much free time to hate her why dont you pick up knitting

  29. jada Says:

    OK, she’s got that annoying neon punk garbage style…but everybody has the right to look ugly. It is a matter of taste…even a bad one. The real problem is that george is right – guys dont like her. Why? Because she looks like a dude herself!!! I mean look at the lower part of her face… so masculine, it even hurts. Thats why she could never do shootings being elegant, glamorous, feminine, seductive, sexy or the like. She is not versatile. And thats a serious problem coz thats actually what is all about being a top model – changing roles! If she was a popstar her irritating image and grinning muzzle would be appropriate, but unfortunately she is a model. And sadly enough also a role model for small people with incomplete personality.

  30. Poppy Says:

    Who would be jealous of her? She is a contrived piece of shit that looks like another clubber in the midst of an acid trip who suddenly has the desire to go and pull out random things from the local WI jumble sale.

    Men with paunches on beaches in Bournemouth with fetishes for string vests have better sense of style than The Loch Agyness Monster or whatever her stupid (and FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE!) name is.

    And isn’t it such a coincidence that her GBFF Henry Holland or whatever is everywhere by now? Maybe he supplies the coke she takes? He looks like a drug dealer.

    Oh and PS: Kate Moss is a pile of shit as well. If she was anyone else Social Services would take her daughter away. Coke-snorting scum.

  31. blondie Says:

    Omfg, never bin on a website thats more true!

  32. narp Says:

    YOU’RE A BITCH

  33. An Says:

    Agyness deyn is cool and the reason she wore those stupid fucking sunglasses indoors is because some bitch fucked up her eye backstage because agyness deyn is a TALENTED MODEL who is making lots of cash like you probably aren’t
    you foul jeb

  34. rarrr Says:

    Agyness Deyn is somehow a celebrity? I wish she’d get out of the magazines I read where she is prouncing around in some stupid ridiculous outfit – like we all want to aspire to look like her because her fashion is so wacko, and stay on the catwalk with all the other fugy anorexic alien models. Well I’m not going to like her because she is the “next big thing” and all the designers love her. I’ll leave her for all the little retro pop tarts out there.

  35. jelena Says:

    hate Agyness Deynhey +google=and here I am….this is great
    I hate her stupid retard child face

  36. Dennis Says:

    jelena shut your fuckface will you.

  37. marinda Says:

    Key words “2. Nobody looks cool when they wear sunglasses inside.” HELLO! You clearly have no sense of fashion. People who are fashionable don’t try to do what everyone else does. She’s obviously not trying to blend in with everyone else. She is indeed a fashion icon, and highly paid @ that, DEFINITELY not caring about what an unknown “blogger” has to say negative about her. More people love her than hate her. I happen to love Agness Deyn. She is a very unique individual. And she is NOT only a model because of her hair. SHe can KILL a photoshoot. Don’t be so angry at the world. Just get up off the computer spending your life blogging about SUCCESSFUL people who might not ever even acknowledge you. Just go make use of your life. That goes for everyone on here talking negative about her.

  38. marinda Says:

    You probably are the type that wears flare jeans with tennis shoes, and screen tees. SMH

  39. Rogue_Leader Says:

    This is the funniest comments thread I’ve read in ages. Look at your fucking lives, you tragic, shapless pauper cunts.

  40. Lina Says:

    For the people who keeps on saying ‘Jealous much?’ probably has nothing else better to do besides gazing at these so-called role model for hours.

    There’s nothing wrong with having ultimate dislike towards certain things. If all you can think of is jealousy then the biscuits on the aisle should do the same whenever you bash about them.

    Truth is, I don’t like this Agy however it was fictionally spelled. I am nowhere near the jealous factor as I wouldn’t want to look like her.

    Just because others feel no need to conform to this, doesn’t mean they’re jealous.

  41. Ayla Says:

    jealous much?

  42. Another Person Says:

    Oh wow. I respect your opinion but I’m a big Agyness Deyn fan. I love her because she’s unique, and I do think she’s stunning.

  43. Lala Says:

    I don’t know why I’m replying to this post, but I have to say this: I love Agyness Deyn, or Agnes Dean, or Laura Hollins. I don’t lover her because her outfits, I don’t care ’bout how she dresses; I love her because of his face, I do not care if some of you think she looks like a boy, I don’t. I think she’s gorgeus, she has a very beautiful eyes and eyebrows, a shiking mouth, and, ok the lower part of her face is weird, in some photos, but I love her anyway. I know that she always say “like” and “you know” but she has graduated in A-level, and we all use crosses… I also thing she’s a really nice person, I don’t know her, but does what her face tells me… So it’s ok if some of hate her, we don’t like the same things. But you don’t have to say things like she’s stupid, or she’s on drugs, because you don’t know her, that what you thing. Anyway, for me she’s very very pretty.

    • Irina Says:

      I totally agree with you. however wrote this doesn’t have anything better to do than hate on someone they haven’t even met but whatever, more people love her instead of hating her. SHE’S GORGEOUS. THE END.

  44. Juka Says:

    You are stupid as fuck. Honestly, how can you hate on someone like her? There are tons of other assholes you could hate on and you decided to hate on one of the most amazing girls ever. 3 words for you, GET A LIFE.

  45. Irina Says:

    Why would you even hate on someone like Agyness Deyn? She was a TOP MODEL for a reason, so stop being dumb and instead of hating on her, go and get a life.

  46. Gabs Says:

    I neither like nor hate Agyness Deyn, I think she’s pretty and all, and most probably a good model too (her success speaks for itself), but the one thing that really, really, REALLY bugs me about her is that she’s talking like a fucking retard!

    Honestly, have you ever heard an interview with her? She sounds as if she didn’t get enough oxygen when she was born..

    Oh, and another thing that I find annoying are people who shout “HATER” and “YOU’RE JEALOUS!” the very instant someone dares to say that he or she doesn’t like something or someone.
    Just because I say I hate broccoli or George W. Bush it doesn’t necessarily mean I secretly wanna be like broccoli or George W. Bush!!

    Seriously, grow up!

  47. iris Says:

    what? she’s so unique and i love her. nuff said.

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  49. Prancehall’s Bass Odyssey, Part 21 | The FADER Says:

    […] It seems Dizzee has completely given up trying to hang on to his integrity. I wouldn’t be surprised if the video for his next single involved three and a half minutes of a close-up shot of him pulling down his trousers and underpants and slowly spreading his bum cheeks and then closing them. In fact, at the rate he’s going, this time next year he’ll probably have had a sex change and be strutting around in a girl group with Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Agyness Deyn. […]

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