I hate bicycle couriers

by

Bicycle courierI was starting to worry that my capacity for vitriolic rage and hatred was depleting of late. Then, on my way to work today I saw something that brought it all rushing back. Bicycle couriers. These specimens are a filthy sub breed, dare I say unter menschen. They congregate in central London with their stupid bikes with mini handlebars and they drink raucously on the streets dressed like gabba ravers from Bristol or Italian lycra-clad rapists. They get drunk then do wheelies while all their decrepit friends cheer like a pride of gibbons in the Savannah. But their greatest sin is the way in which they clearly consider themselves to be a sort of SAS of postal services, an elite force. While, in fact, they are a load of dossers who realised they could make money jumping lights, bunny hopping over curbs, swearing at cars, not stopping at zebra crossings and generally being total cunts. I can’t wait for the day I get to witness one of them being slowly crushed under the wheels of a large white van after going the wrong way up a one-way street.

20 Responses to “I hate bicycle couriers”

  1. D Says:

    wat a cunt….grow up and realize that we risk our lives on the daily to get you ur gay ass cookies and files.if u dont like us tough…

  2. Geezah Says:

    Yeah, all bicycle couriers deserve to get killed, I bet these cycle couriers deserved to die, after all they’re just filthy scum!

  3. ride like a mad Says:

    If the food that you have on your frigde was depending on the speed that you have to ride a bicycle.
    You would be the same cunt,but has i dont think this is your case so them you became a THE PRICK.

  4. Winston Says:

    This guy obviously thinks his childish rantings are valid and important, if not that then he must think he’s funny, unfortunately responding with reasoned argument, or indeed anger is only likely to massage his ridiculous ego further and encourage him to come out with more of this ill thought-out drivel.

    BTW the guy in the picture is a n ex-colleague of mine and a more chilled-out reasonable person you couldn’t wish to meet, also a highly professional despatchenger.

  5. the.Pike Says:

    wot a wanker! geezer dont know nuffin……….CUNT!

  6. upurs Says:

    Obviously a real coward judging by the absence of any information of the identity of the author, so to conclude and not to waste more of my time at least probably a slow dying miserable fat bastard which statistically speaking will witness his own death first before anyone else’s.

  7. papillon Says:

    Hey BBking, come around the Foundry (old st) one of these friday night and you can tell us what hate feels like ‘cos even though every single day i work on the streets of London and get harassed by tossers like you who cross without looking, open their door on me and generally throw all their anger and frustration at me, i still haven’t got it in me to hate a whole segment of the population….yeah, i guess hate is a strong word and waiting for the day you see somebody crushed under the wheels of a van is pretty fucked up.

  8. sleepy jesus Says:

    too fucking right! those arseholes ought to be banned! vote boris! grrrrr etc

  9. darrenger Says:

    yeah hate is a stong word. so’s cunt.

  10. tofu Says:

    i love jakob

  11. Bill Says:

    You are a coward, mate. When you posted this originally, you got so frightened by all the posts from the guys above that you took it down. Now it’s back up? Where the f*** are your balls. So low, worms look down on you.

  12. ted Says:

    van bump you off your tricycle, bill?

  13. -p Says:

    english people are weird….”wanker”, “daily”, “cunt”, how about put some floride in your water and learn how to cook.

  14. Freewheel Says:

    It is a little sad don’t you think, to have a whole subculture based around the lack of a free wheel. Not to mention those silly little caps. Do yourselves a favour.

  15. Hugh Says:

    You don’t have a fucking clue what you are talking about

  16. Alan Coleman Says:

    It’s the whole alternative lifestyle thing though isn’t it? Living life out there on the edge like some kind of misunderstood renegade. Halfway between an 80s surf dude from the home counties and something off Mad Max. What a load of bollocks! It’s unskilled labour and essentially – the office delivery boy.

  17. bmxer Says:

    you guys are like art students without degrees

    you enter an over saturated job market (bike messeaging) and then bitch about how low paid you are

  18. nigel Says:

    ive never been a bike courier but i respect people that dont sit on there buts doing nothin and expect people to fetch and carry for them. they do put there live on the line seeing that papers and files reach deadlines. and you know what they’er good at it. they deserve the respect that due and that alot. yall are cool in my book. keep doin what you do. thanks

  19. theonesmashed Says:

    Nobody deserves to get crushed. I know you just talk for fun, a sick way to hace fun by the way.
    I got smashed by a car, for no reason while riding my motorbike, my work mate diedand I was close to it. Lots of surgery, pain etc, etc.

    Ten year after still suffering a lot.
    You pray it does not happen to you. Belive me.

  20. big gaping holes Says:

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