You know those ‘Open’ buttons next to the doors on Northern Line Tube trains? Why do people insist on pressing them when they clearly do nothing? I remember when these new trains with the illuminated buttons were introduced a number of years back. I may have naively tried to press one of the pointless buttons once back then but realising it did nothing, I never tried again. So why do I see so many people pressing them every day and expecting something to happen? I see guys in suits who get on at my stop every day doing it and then huffing and puffing when nothing seems to happen. These things are clearly a mechanical placebo. Surely they must realise after all these years that pressing it has no effect. Are these people braindead?
I’m not sure how many different tube line trains use these buttons – I can only remember seeing them on the Northern and Jubilee Lines. Maybe they work on some lines. Maybe they don’t. I suppose, being a regular Northern Line user, I haven’t noticed them BECAUSE THERE’S NO POINT WHATSOEVER PRESSING THEM OR ACKNOWLEDGING THEIR EXISTENCE. I mean, do you press every single button you come across? Do you spend all day tapping away at all the buttons on your phone and keyboard for the sake of it? Oh. Erm… scratch that last example.
Seriously, though, I just hate the pointlessness and hopelessness of it. It’s like watching a goldfish banging head-first into the side of its bowl every 5 seconds. You can press the button fast, you can press it slow, you can press it as many times as you want – it will NEVER have an effect. YOU CAN PROD IT WITH YOUR WALKING STICK, YOU CAN PULL DOWN YOUR TROUSERS AND RUB YOUR ARSE AGAINST IT, YOU CAN PICK UP YOUR DOG AND SLAM ITS DELICATE LITTLE HEAD INTO IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN – THE DOORS WILL STILL NOT OPEN. YOU NEED TO WAIT FOR THE DRIVER TO OPEN THEM. HE IS IN THE ONLY ONE IN CONTROL OF THE DOORS. YOU ARE MERELY A WORTHLESS PAWN TRAVELLING ON THE TUBE TRAIN OF LIFE. OKAY?