I hate people who don’t get how the doors on Tubes work


You know those ‘Open’ buttons next to the doors on Northern Line Tube trains? Why do people insist on pressing them when they clearly do nothing? I remember when these new trains with the illuminated buttons were introduced a number of years back. I may have naively tried to press one of the pointless buttons once back then but realising it did nothing, I never tried again. So why do I see so many people pressing them every day and expecting something to happen? I see guys in suits who get on at my stop every day doing it and then huffing and puffing when nothing seems to happen. These things are clearly a mechanical placebo. Surely they must realise after all these years that pressing it has no effect. Are these people braindead?

I’m not sure how many different tube line trains use these buttons – I can only remember seeing them on the Northern and Jubilee Lines. Maybe they work on some lines. Maybe they don’t. I suppose, being a regular Northern Line user, I haven’t noticed them BECAUSE THERE’S NO POINT WHATSOEVER PRESSING THEM OR ACKNOWLEDGING THEIR EXISTENCE. I mean, do you press every single button you come across? Do you spend all day tapping away at all the buttons on your phone and keyboard for the sake of it? Oh. Erm… scratch that last example.

Seriously, though, I just hate the pointlessness and hopelessness of it. It’s like watching a goldfish banging head-first into the side of its bowl every 5 seconds. You can press the button fast, you can press it slow, you can press it as many times as you want – it will NEVER have an effect. YOU CAN PROD IT WITH YOUR WALKING STICK, YOU CAN PULL DOWN YOUR TROUSERS AND RUB YOUR ARSE AGAINST IT, YOU CAN PICK UP YOUR DOG AND SLAM ITS DELICATE LITTLE HEAD INTO IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN – THE DOORS WILL STILL NOT OPEN. YOU NEED TO WAIT FOR THE DRIVER TO OPEN THEM. HE IS IN THE ONLY ONE IN CONTROL OF THE DOORS. YOU ARE MERELY A WORTHLESS PAWN TRAVELLING ON THE TUBE TRAIN OF LIFE. OKAY?


8 Responses to “I hate people who don’t get how the doors on Tubes work”

  1. lesley gash Says:


  2. Ricky Razzle Says:

    It is weird. How did they come to be ? Surely at some point when the trains were being designed and made they had to decide whether to let the general public take charge of opening the doors, or make the driver/electronics all powerful, which isn’t really a choice at all, but then why put them on at all ?

  3. tardischild Says:

    Rub your backside against it

    why do they have those goddamn buttons anyway?

  4. asolo Says:

    They are just taking all the fun out of life. What if you just liked riding with the door open? Maybe you would like to throw someone off while blasting through the tube, gad, that would be so excellent! Perhaps you and a friend could be on different trains and at just the right moment open the doors as your trains pass and both jump. Imagine how amazed other passengers would be if you suddenly changed places at 70 mile an hour. How about if you have to take a wiz. I mean, your never going to fill those tubes, so why not?

  5. Ian Analtubestake Says:

    nothing is worse than seeing a hot british girl on the underground who smiles at you and spoils the moment with jagged, crooked, and overlapping british teeth. btw those buttons work on the regular rail trains and people push them furiously for no reason, like the train is going to barrel away as soon as it pauses at the station.

  6. Ian Analtubestake Says:

    it is so hot and stuffy in the “pube” even in the winter. haven’t europeeins ever heard of air conditioning???

  7. Jonni Luber Says:

    if i have to see another european with greasy, dandruffy hair, tight gay clothes, gay italian shoes, i think i will puke my guts out

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