I hate them so much that thinking about them makes me want to tear off Ronald McDonald’s head and stick it up Colonel Sanders’ ass. The Colonel would probably be into that and would just keep smiling. Anyway, sachets are the bane of my life. Everyone likes condiments – they make food taste better. Ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard. These things
are like food enhancing drugs that you want to spread liberally on every meal you eat. The last thing you want when you are starving and want to drown your processed fake burger and cardboard chips in red and white gloop is to have to struggle for five minutes ripping, tearing and biting at some pathetic little plastic rectangle that will only yield a pea-sized amount of the gear. Fuck that. I want gallons of the stuff.
Bring me a bottle of it, a jug of it, a fucking bowl of the stuff would be great. Satchets seem to be designed for maximum annoyance. It is impossible to rip one open without getting the contents all over your fingers. Some of them seem pressure packed and primed to explode all over your clothes. Half the time I can’t even get them open full stop and end up swallowing my burger in one bite out of sheer fury. Then I get heartburn and indigestion for the rest of the day. Thanks, sachets! They should be obliterated forever as a pointless, irritating, poorly thought out concept that needs to be struck from existence in order for evolution to continue.