I hate people who talk, eat or breathe loudly

by

Mouth

I hate people who need to do things very loudly. London specifically seems to be full of them and I hate all of them. The major problem seems to be people who talk on the phone loudly and for hours. Why would you have a really personal phone call about your boyfriend’s shortcomings in the bedroom on the number 8 bus at 6 PM on a Wednesday? Then, there are people who feel the need to talk loudly wherever they are because they simply like the sound of their own voice. I find it embarrassing if I’m ever with someone like this in public. Just shut up. Nobody else needs to know what you think, do or say.

I can’t forget people who eat or drink loudly. Slurp, gobble, munch, gurgle, “Aaaah” (a popular one with tea). None of these noises are necessary and you don’t need to make these noises. I can only assume these people’s parents did the same thing otherwise why would nobody have told them to shut the fuck up and stop grossing people out. You are not a baby, you are in total control of what you are doing.

Finally, something which had a particularly drastic effect on my early life: people who breathe loudly or worse, on you. I remember in French class I sat in front of this disturbingly fat girl that never washed called Ruth. She was actually quite nice. One year for my birthday she gave me one of those Trolls people used to collect. Anyway, don’t worry about that, all you need to know is the fact that she would breathe really loudly all the time. Every class sounded like her last class, as if these were her last few breaths of life. I was forced to sit in front of her for three years. I got an E in French and I blame Ruth and her distracting death rattle.

23 Responses to “I hate people who talk, eat or breathe loudly”

  1. lesley gash Says:

    i had someone sit next to me on the bus for no less than 45 minutes talking not only just loud…but ALLLLLL the fucking time. i dont think she even stopped to take a breath. it was non stop. and, to top things off, she had some fucking eastern european/south african/northern/weird/non-descript accent. then, when i think things cant any worse, she starts going

    “vat iz your boyfrehnd dowing for yoo for valntynes daye? oh you know, zometimes, i vish my boyfrehnd vood do sumting nice for me, i know dat its just a commercial idea but you know, even if he just puts his hand on my heart and tellz me he lovez me yoo know?”

    maybe if she SHUT THE FUCK UP for a second it would give her boyfriend the chance to say something in the first place.

    and THEN…as im waiting for her to get the hell off the bus, i finally get to my stop…and she gets off at the same one.

    i hate her.

  2. Jack Says:

    eating sounds drive me fucking batshit… I’d rather have wailing tinnitus than listen to someone’s rank gob noise

  3. D Says:

    I agree 100% about people eating/slurping/saying ahhh etc…..It drives me fucking insane. Anytime I hear it I feel like screaming in their face to have some fucking manners. I’m getting pissed off thinking about it right now.

  4. jdsfh Says:

    kdfgb’djfb

  5. morgan Says:

    I like Mustangs

  6. Madi Says:

    me 2

  7. kendra Says:

    kendra agrees

  8. Anonymous Says:

    wtf

  9. Ashley Says:

    Agreed! My Dad mumbles yet talks loud if that makes any sense, chews with his mouth open, clenches his teeth, they make these clicking noises, every other word is the F-bomb! So I just feel like telling him to get some manners! Honestly! It pisses me off so much! Yet when he’s on the phone he changes his pitch of voice to extremley loud and irrating while swearing. Is it that hard to act like a gentleman and be polite? I have to leave the room.

  10. Molly Says:

    My roommate does all of these things. She chews like a cow (I’ve never known anyone who chews so much gum before). She’s a mouth breather, and it’s both annoying and a little bit creepy (it reminds me of Brainy from Hey Arnold!). She drinks water loudly. She yells when she’s on the phone (usually to her mother) and usually hangs up with a loud F- You. I always feel awkward when she does that. She also recently got a new boyfriend who I hate and their kissing noises are loud and gross. I think she forgets that I’m in the room actually. Either that or she just doesn’t care. I’ve been holding that in for a long time. It feels good to rant about her.

  11. Katie Says:

    I’ve hated any kind of noise for years! Eating, breathing, chewing, loud talking, buttons pressing, tapping, I hate it all! Sometimes I even wish I was deaf (which is awful I know). I am filled with rage whenever I hear these noises and turn into my evil self with no control.

    I found this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia

    You should have a read. I feel all your pain.

  12. The Statement Says:

    Fuck you! Bastard!
    I naturally have a very loud bassy voice and the only way i can talk quietly is to whisper! I am not going to whisper if i get a phone call on the bus. Public domain and all that. freedom of speech.
    If I’m on a train in the quiet coach then yes i will turn off my phone and sit in peace. But you can fuck right off if you think im going to whisper on a noisy overcrowded bus coz some grumpy twat thinks everyone should be quiet! dont like it? get a fucking car and drive you cunt!

  13. kristel Says:

    OMFG that thing about Ruth made me laugh so fucking loud. Way to word it. I know someone like that its really gross.

  14. Potvin Says:

    I totally understand about the loud talking. Like honestly? I don’t give two shits about how many STD’s you have and how itchy your ass is at the moment, just please stfu. I hate it when you can’t even hear yourself think! If I was their parent I would of bitch slapped them if they did that as a kid.

    OMG LOUD EATING. Kay my friend came over to my house and we where eating pizza, it all was all quiet while I was enjoying the deliciousness of Chicago deep dish and then BAM. all you hear in the silence is “gobble gobble omnomnomnomnom” and It sounded like she was eating something sticky it’s like WTF? I lost my appetite like 5 minutes later. So I put my pizza upstairs and then my fatass brother ate the toppings off of it so I never got a full pizza to eat -.-

    Alright but for the heavy breathing, the only people you can blame is the fat people, because there’s so much blubber and mcdonalds fat pressed against their lungs that it takes more energy for them to breathe so all that comes out is a wheezing noise. Stupid fat bastards. Anyways, the rest of the people either they’re being ignorant or they actually have a breathing problem. Like I have one so I breathe a bit louder but icant really help it. I have a small lung for my body so it’s really hard for me to breath, thAts why. But to be honest, people that breath loudly for no reason piss me off too. >.<

  15. Logic Says:

    Get an iPod.

  16. newsoulawakening Says:

    Great post about obnoxiously loud people! It’s like they are completely oblivious to anyone around them, and don’t have the manners to realize that everyone in their immediate area doesn’t need to know what they’re talking about. I just want to slap some sense into these people!! I in a very quiet office work with two fat women who are constantly gasping for air like Ruth. Every time they move, stand up, hang up the phone … this giant “gasp” comes out, like it was just the biggest effort in the world. And one of them also slurps her tea or coffee, and makes these annoying “nah nah nah” sounds when she’s chewing gum. How can’t these people HEAR themselves?! Drives me insane!

  17. Anonymous Says:

    i feel the same way… i can’t stand people who eat lod… sitting next to a girl in the common room in col who is driving me crazy breathing so loud through her fuckin hose with her music on pumpin in her ears she doesn’t realsie how annoying she is… like i seripusly feel like punchin her in the face….fuck sake…i know im nuts by the way…oh that feels good to get that off my tits

  18. The Look Of Disgust Says:

    They’re all bastards.

    Just use the mirror effect… It’s surprising that megaphone voice actually acts weird when you talk REALLY LOUD back to them. If they get pissy you might mention their own volume and excuse yourself saying you thought they might be deaf.

    Loud eaters? Just eat with your mouth open as far wide as possible per bite and go to town with the “slop slop slop” sounds.

    Best performed whilst facing them. Remember if they look weird at you pause with your mouth open full of food and make the “ugh?” noise. Bonus point if food drops out and or hits them at the same time.

  19. Enough already!! Says:

    I just pissed off a close friend of mine while at the movies. I got an “oh shit, here we go” moment when I saw him order the LARGEST!! Tub of popcorn you can buy and a a soda equal in it’s might to wash it down. Due to a crowded theatre I had to sit in the chair next to him. You know what’s coming next!! . For 25 min. straight at 2-3 second intervals I had the sound of crunching, munching and slurping in my left ear. I leaned over and asked ” hey man could you please try to eat a little quieter, the popcorn is very distracting”. His response was “are you fucking serious”? Yes, I said. So I’m glad he got his snack on! But I missed the dialogue, Thought about moving to a seat far away, or even walikng out entirely! I am the Asshole! In the future I will just sit as far away as necessary, and If questioned why, simply respond with I am easily distracted by noises other than the movie, my problem not yours.

    • Anonymous Says:

      Everyone at my office sucks! I hate them all breathing and talking and living around me. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You dont need to sniff and make mmmmm noises over your coffee. If you type all day for a living, how about clipping your talons so I don’t have to hear them clicking incessantly on the keyboard all day! The sneezing, coughing, snot sniffling and throat clearing? Don’t any of you own some f-ing cold medicine? Jesus h christ! Enough already!

  20. Anonymous Says:

    My dad breathes SO loudly all the time through his nostrils. You can just hear the air whistling through and he snorts out these short angry puffs of air that are so loud and annoying. It drives me crazy. Eventually I’m just going to go to my room and stay there if he continues to breathe like he has a severe nose congestion.

  21. GF Says:

    Some of these comments had me in tears…of laughter. I hate noise too, I’ve always hated being unable to escape other people’s conversations…whether the volume is loud OR quiet. I have lived in both London and the country and honestly the country is just as noisy, the couple next door allowed their kid to scream so loudly you could hear it through 2 sets of double glazing. I wear the best set of earplugs I can, most of the time, cheaper than a country estate…

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